Lately my depression has become intense. I haven't been this low since I was first officially diagnosed in 2009 and I'm really struggling.
Over the last six years my depression was manageable. I could usually fight my way out of the darkness and had a variety of techniques that I knew worked. Unfortunately they're not working anymore.
I feel lost. I've been research new ways to combat my depression but in the back of my mind I have a feeling I'm going to have to return to medication. I have nothing against taking medication for depression - I know many people that are on anti-depressants and I spent a year on them at the beginning of my diagnosis - but I almost feel disappointed in myself that after all this time I'm starting to lose my fight.
This explains why I haven't been blogging (I haven't even been reading my favourite blogs). My marathon training has taken a backseat. I'm constantly tired and anxious. I always have this horrible gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach. Everything I do feels like it takes so much more effort that it should.
Right now, I'm not me. When I am I'll be back but for now I need to heal.
Sunday, July 5, 2015
Surprisingly back in the winter I was much more dedicated to working out than I am now. I was getting up early before work, I was doing really well with staying away from all those things I’m constantly trying to cut from my diet now, and I was getting tons of sleep. Needless to say I have not been as dedicated lately, but I did get out for another easy trail run this week.
It was so humid so it looks like I worked much harder than I did. Seriously, all of that sweat came from four easy kilometers.
Of course this guy joined me again.
I don’t know if he’s sad or that he knows I’m feeling down lately, but I’m loving all the puppy cuddles that have been happening.
Also, apparently "breakfast salad" is a thing and I love the concept. All week I’ve been creating my own. It’s pretty plain but I’ve been obsessed with topping raw baby spinach and turkey bacon with two eggs. So amazingly simple but satisfying.
Can I proclaim once more than I am awful at blogging? I took my boyfriend, Michael, and our dog with me on a hike yesterday and I didn't take any pictures until right at the end when we were cooling off in the water.
I really want to try this hiking trail again. We hiked less than 7 kilometers but it was so tough! Maybe when it's less humid we'll try hiking further in.
Wednesday, July 1, 2015
Happy Canada day!
I'm typing this on my phone because this is my current view:
It's 9PM and I'm in bed watching What Women Want on Netflix because I really want to get to the gym early tomorrow before work, but mostly because as soon as the fireworks start going off this puppy is going to lose his mind.
I wish I could credit for this photo but it's all my sister:
For the second year in a row my boyfriend and I went to a Jay's game for Canada Day.
Good news: The Jays beat the Red Sox!
Better news: I got to devour a ballpark hot dog!
Besides the Home Opener this has got to be the best game of the season. Between the amazing show of Canadian patriotism and the excitement of the sold-out crowd, you can't help but get lost in the atmosphere.
Today was one of those days where you eat junk, you don't exercise, and you in now way benefit your physical health, but your mental health takes a huge boost. Tomorrow I'll avoid the sugar and fit in a workout, but today I'm fighting against depression in a different way.
I hope you had an amazing Canada Day (or an amazing typical Wednesday).