(An explanation, featuring all the times I truly loved running)
I signed up for a marathon a year in advance thinking it would give me lots of time to wrap my head around the idea of running this distance as well as lots of time to train. A year later (and two weeks out from the race) I no longer have a marathon in my sights. Weeks ago I dropped down to the half and I’m not even fully ready to run that.
So, what happened?
A few things. I got physically sick and fell a little behind in my training. Then I started suffering from depression and could barely get out of bed, let alone run. Then, I found my heart just wasn’t in it.
I thought I had to take my running game to a new level with faster speeds and further distances. I thought that all the blogs I followed were inspiring me, but I think they were making me feel like I needed to compete… and that’s not the fault of the blogs. That’s my own nature.
It makes me feel incredibly sad to admit I’ve fallen out of love with running. Too much structure turned running into a chore instead of being something that made me feel free.
I want my freedom back.
I’m going to run this last race and think about 2016. I’m going to think about what I want to get from running and what will make me happy. I’m going to read the blogs of those I admire and be excited for their accomplishments while keeping my own goals and feelings in check.
As a runner I’m going to work on growing my mental game and see how that affects me physically.
I’m going to run for me. I’m going to be proud of me