Lately my depression has become intense. I haven't been this low since I was first officially diagnosed in 2009 and I'm really struggling.
Over the last six years my depression was manageable. I could usually fight my way out of the darkness and had a variety of techniques that I knew worked. Unfortunately they're not working anymore.
I feel lost. I've been research new ways to combat my depression but in the back of my mind I have a feeling I'm going to have to return to medication. I have nothing against taking medication for depression - I know many people that are on anti-depressants and I spent a year on them at the beginning of my diagnosis - but I almost feel disappointed in myself that after all this time I'm starting to lose my fight.
This explains why I haven't been blogging (I haven't even been reading my favourite blogs). My marathon training has taken a backseat. I'm constantly tired and anxious. I always have this horrible gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach. Everything I do feels like it takes so much more effort that it should.
Right now, I'm not me. When I am I'll be back but for now I need to heal.